Interviewers - black
Goran - sage.
(Inaudible.)
He's not so tough. Is 41%. It doesn't do anything; so he didn't play anything special, I guess. I didn't do anything.
But overall, you felt you were starting to play better during this US Open? Do you think tonight was not as good as you expected?
No, no. It was 41%, everything is based on my serve. I'm at least 55%, you know, at least that. And every time he broke me, I play such a -- I mean a couple of these volleys. Then again, I broke in the third set and then I lost the game. So it's all these presents; you can't do that. You cannot. Against Caratti, maybe, yes. But not against Kuerten. He's too good to do that.
Did he tell you it was your birthday soon so he could give you some presents?
Not yet. But those guys, they don't give you any presents. Not on the tennis court.
So what's next for you?
I don't know what is next for me
Are you in the mood to play more, or are you in the mood to take a break?
Now I am in the mood to kill myself probably. But it's tough to explain what kind of mood I am in now. It's a mood for nothing. It's a mood I have to go to the drug-testing now.
You said a couple of times you're going to kill yourself, you are very depressed. How do you handle this year after year? Is it worse? Is it better?
I don't know. It's not good.
Do you have to sleep on it? What do you do?
I sleep, but then you wake up and it's even worse. So it's whatever. Not good. At the moment, it's not good. But we'll see what happens.
In the previous press conferences, you say, "I'm an old player, nobody's interested in me anymore." You saw the atmosphere on the court tonight, the crowd out on the court tonight. The crowd was great, and it was for you. How did you feel?
Actually, I felt great, there was a crowd behind me. And that's -- that make me great. You know, after this match, it doesn't matter. I play so bad and I didn't play good at all. But this crowd really -- really is nice to see all these people behind me; is really something, you know. After -- that means that they still like me, they still love me, so it's nice
You want to come back for this crowd?
Sure. If I'm still alive next year, I come back.
You're going to kill yourself, huh?
No, I am not that fucked up to kill myself.
Did you did something different to focus for the game? You have to wait and --?
It's tough, you know. It's tough. It's just tough. I mean you try everything. When you fight, I mean you practice and no results. It's tough, you know. What to do, you know? What to change? Where to go? How to play? That's tough. If I know that I was spending eight months doing nothing and going out and going to the Discoteque, then, okay, I do that and I play bad. But I didn't do anything of that. And I was practicing hard, trying, playing and it's not happening. So that's -- then I don't know what to do anymore. You know, just you hit the ball and you can't go through the wall, you know. So, now I hit the ball. So what to do?
For you, is it more difficult to be a tennis player than five years ago?
It's tough to be a tennis player, you know. Nobody can -- in football, you can play like shit, but still your team can win. But here, nobody can change you, and it's not fun for me to not win and play tennis. I have different goals. And I don't know, you know, is just -- this moment is no fun anymore.
Was it easy five years ago?
It was easy. Every time was easy, I mean, when you win the matches. It's nice to practice, it's nice to have fun. Everything is easy. But is not easy in two months when you win four matches. It's no fun. Having to lose to some guys which are very bad. Not bad, but very bad.
Do you think maybe you want to win too badly, and that could --?
I don't know. You see some guys, you know, like Chang, you know, he's trying. The guy is always trying and he's not happening. He just cannot produce that moment to come back. Andre did it. You know, he was 140, he play Challenger, and he came back to No. 1, you know, which is unbelievable effort. So, you see -- I see guy like Muster trying like maniac, you know, practicing. And, again, he's not coming. You know, it's tough. After all these years, you know, but for sure I gonna try. I try, I try. I don't know how long. I have power --.
Is it a good solution to go in more tournaments, win more matches, get more confidence?
I don't know, smaller, bigger, Challenger, whatever. But is I don't know, is just -- see how this season is going to end up. I see. I am not ready to go yet, but it's just more energy I have inside me to fight this, you know. Is no fun. Is fun to be here, but is no fun when you have to practice for ten days, and then you lose first round to guy that I never heard in my life and then again. And that's not easy. But I still gonna fight, and I don't know how long I gonna be able to fight like that.
Some players play better when they have satisfaction outside tennis. Do you have any satisfaction outside tennis?
I have satisfaction. I have my girlfriend and everything. But this is -- I come on court, you know, is just I have to play. Nobody can -- I have to hit winners. I have to hit serves. And it's not working. I don't know why, but is not working
Do you still like tennis?
Yeah, I like tennis. Tennis gave me everything in my life. I always gonna like tennis, even when I stop I gonna. This is my life. Everything was -- I gave everything to tennis. Tennis gave it to me. I had a lot of disappointing moments in my life, but still, I had a great eleven years.I hope that I can have still a couple more. But like this, is gonna be tough.
What's the plan for your birthday?
I don't know. Who thinks about birthdays now, you know? That's another day in your life, you know.